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Words of the Great by aalie

Literature by hellfire1093


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Submitted on
November 26, 2012
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Before we drown in uncertainties
and throw away old priorities.
Lets replay all the old lullabies.
Even if only save goodbyes.

Do you remember all the late nights?
Before our disputes and all of our fights?
The way you held me in the cold.
Or the way you promised 'till we are old'.

Do you have the trinkets I sorely left.
Hear our laughs that now fallen deaf.
Find our pictures in old worn boxes?
That lay so hidden like wary foxes.

Lets try again through hopeful wishes.
we hold back tears, more broken dishes.
We see the mess we created.
Our once happy bubble, now deflated.

The bags all packed and tied so tight.
Our home so warm now cold at night.
We'll soon leave so don't be mad.
The silence killed the 'love' we had.

How did we come to fall so far.
Our broken hearts kept in a jar.
A love we once thought was so true.
Leave broken memories of me and you.
Random little thing. Nothing in particular. Was going to be part of lyrics that Ive been working on but changed my mind. Like always critiques and oppinions welcome!
:iconoddxfox:
ODDxFOX Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
this is an nice poem, i do like the feeling behind it. i thought it could use a little snipping in places like changing "Even if its only to save goodbyes" to "Even if only to save goodbyes" and "We see the mess that we created." to "We see the mess we created." and some other stuff to help with the flow of it. also making "fall" from "Hear our laughs that now fall deaf" to "fallen" to make it a past tense like "Hear our laughs that now fallen deaf". all of this is just word play thought, its still a nice poem :D
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:iconmiyu713:
miyu713 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you! :D I will make the changes! :)
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:iconoddxfox:
ODDxFOX Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
np, im really starting to appreciate poetry more. actually, if you don't mind i made a poem not to long ago and i was wondering if you could take a look at it? id appreciate any feedback
[link]
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